This week a group was asked to welcome a new member. The group went out to the horses, playing, interacting with them and each other and then a shift occurred. They all began to place items onto a horse. This horse stood quietly the entire time while objects were placed on him. The group of people were laughing excitedly throughout the process. Once they decided their work was complete we asked them to come and check in… to tell us about what they were trying to accomplish. During the check in, they informed the EAP team that they were welcoming the new member through a positive teasing ritual, a rite of passage to see if he would fit into the group. When asked about the laughing and who it was directed toward the mood turned serious. At the same time ‘the new guy” began to walk toward the group, other horses that were near, shied away from him as he tired to go near them. The group recognized that the positive teasing was not working out and then chose to remove all the items and praise him for being such a good sport.

This was an intense session for the group and drove home the point of how important it is to be congruent between our thoughts/emotions and our actions.

A discrepancy can only be reconciled when a person or group is willing to recognize the lack of congruence between their statements and their actions and be willing to change their thoughts or behaviors to create congruence.

This is no easy thing to acknowledge and harder still to address because we have to be humble enough to accept the fault of our actions and willing enough to do whatever it takes to resolve the damage created by our discrepancy.

Make no mistake, discrepancies can be very damaging to our psyche and the psyche of the people who witness the disparity. It calls into question a person’s perceptional accuracy, which in turn, leads to questioning our sanity. When a person is unwilling to be accountable, unwilling to look hard at their ego and accept it’s faults, the damage can be irreversible.

The solution to the observer is to walk away, leaving the door open for the discrepant person(s) when accountability and amends have been made. Walking away is also painful but a necessity for emotional wellbeing.

If you feel unsettled in your life it is possible you are experiencing a discrepancy. Look for discrepancies either in yourself and your actions or in some else’s statements and actions.

If you are experiencing a discrepancy and then decide if you can do something about it or do you need to walk away.

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